“How Can I Believe Him When He Says He’s Not Having an Affair?”
It can be completely crazy-making to feel like you cannot get at the truth. Something doesn’t feel right between the two of you, he’s not around as much as he used to be, not as interested in you. You...
View ArticleThe Six “R’s” of Healing an Affair
You might be surprised and overwhelmed at how upset your partner is about your affair. The amount of rage, and hatred directed at you can seem overwhelming, as well as the depression and withdrawal...
View ArticleHow Can I Stop Obsessing Over the Affair?
In order to help yourself when you can’t stop thinking about the affair, it is important to understand the different functions obsessing can serve in your healing process. My first and most important...
View ArticleWhy Do I Keep Obsessing Over the Affair?
Obsessing over the affair is an absolutely natural and normal response to the trauma you have experienced. If you find yourself unable to, at times, stop turning over the lies, snippets of...
View ArticleSex After the Affair
You are in the aftermath of your partner’s affair, trying to work things out. It’s a time of great emotional upheaval, everything upside down and inside out. Your relationship feels shattered…you feel...
View ArticleDoes an Affair Mean the Marriage is Over?
It’s definitely what most people believe, and tell their spouses early on. “If you ever have an affair, it’s over!” There are many reasons some find it important to take this stand at the outset....
View ArticleAffairs and Ultimatums
“Should I give my partner an ultimatum…the other person or me?” This is a question I hear frequently. Discovering your partner’s affair can be traumatic enough. The best chance for healing the marriage...
View ArticleWhy Can’t I Get Over My Partner’s Affair?
By “getting over” I don’t mean forgetting about it, or somehow making it okay. But I am writing to you if you find yourself consumed by pain and anger and obsessive thoughts that feel unrelenting over...
View ArticleAsian Americans and Affairs
Over the years I have helped many Asian American couples heal from affairs. Many of the couples involved have been first or second generation Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or South Korean. These are...
View ArticleRebuilding Real, Deep Trust After the Affair
“How can I ever trust you again?” “How could I have ever trusted you?” “Trust me, this will never happen again.” “How can I win back your trust?” The sudden loss of trust is shocking. It may seem...
View ArticleWhat Happens to the Brain During an Affair?
Movies and television shows frequently portray affairs as exciting adventures, fun and mischievous; a way of breaking free from oppression… a conduit to a joyful existence. To the person contemplating...
View ArticleDifficulties Couples Encounter Trying To Heal From An Affair
The revelation of an affair is frequently a shocking experience. In long-term relationships the fidelity of one’s partner is, more often than not, taken for granted, providing an emotional foundation...
View ArticleHeading Towards Having an Affair?
Of all of the people who show up for therapy struggling with some aspect of an affair, those in the infatuation, pre-affair (or maybe emotional affair) stage are the least likely to appear. This is...
View ArticleWhy “Being Good” Won’t Heal Your Affair
I don’t know why she can’t get over this. I ended the affair, have been spending much more time at home, doing more around the house, paying more attention to her, being more affectionate. I’ve told...
View ArticleAbout Conversations That Heal Affairs Part I
We have the same conversations over and over. She gets triggered and tells me about it. She’s in a great deal of pain. I listen and tell her I’m sorry. I am sympathetic. Sometimes she even lets me...
View ArticleWhy Do I Keep Obsessing Over the Affair?
Obsessing over a partner’s infidelity is a natural response to the trauma of discovery. Most individuals find themselves unable, at times, to stop turning over in their minds the lies, snippets of...
View ArticleHow Do Affairs Affect Children? Part I
In this post I will address how children are impacted by their parent’s affairs. In subsequent posts I will discuss the effects on adult children of affairs and offer suggestions for parents involved...
View ArticleAsian Americans and Affairs
Over the years I have helped many Asian American couples heal from affairs. Many of the couples involved have been first or second generation Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or South Korean. These are...
View ArticleRebuilding Real, Deep Trust After the Affair
“How can I ever trust you again?” “How could I have ever trusted you?” “Trust me, this will never happen again.” “How can I win back your trust?”The sudden loss of trust is shocking. It may seem...
View ArticleWhat Happens to the Brain During an Affair?
Affairs in film and television series are often portrayed as exciting adventures, fun and mischievous; a way of breaking free from oppression… a conduit to a joyful existence. Embarking on an affair...
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